At night I lay in bed and hear a loud “om” sound in my head, and during many nights Haidakhan Baba is around—I don’t see him physically, but I can feel him. It’s as though he merges with me and his energy washes me clean and breaks my ties with my lives. I wind up being this bright sun with all these lives around it, and my light shines through them and gives them life, but it isn’t only life energy, it’s consciousness. During the day I walk around in this body, seeming to be this body consciousness, and I’m aware of a bright sun inside me, but I also feel that I, as consciousness, am the sun looking back at itself—as though I can see the sun through a window, but my body-state is the window and I’m looking back through myself at the sun, which is really me. Well, I know what I mean, in any case—the consciousness is continuous, there’s no break and no difference between my ordinary, in the world consciousness, and the sun. At night the whole thing switches and I become the sun with the lives around me.
Early this morning my cat came in and woke me up and I lay there with him beside my head—he’s purring away (he’s really loud), and I’m aware of him, and the bed, and the room, and being the sun at the same time, as well as illuminating everything in between.