Last night I had a dream—better, an experience—where I was in a room with a bunch of people—I got the sense that you and your friends were there also—and I wanted to demonstrate something to you, so I told you I would consciously die. You were all horrified, but I went ahead and laid down on the floor and preceded to let go of my body. Someone in the group insisted on performing Last Rites (don’t know what the Swedish for that is, but I hope it’s close enough so you know what that is)—so whoever that was started waving a rosary over me, and someone else held a crucifix over my face, etc. That annoyed me, but I kept going. From my point of view, all I did was to dissolve my body back into myself by just relaxing my body back into myself—so that instead of being a body lying on the floor I was a pool of light. Nothing changed for me. And this is what I experience more and more—for a long time I’ve sometimes experienced creatures and people dying as dying back into me (when my oldest dog died I had a dream about him running toward me and jumping into my heart—three days later he died)—but the past year or so I keep having the experience of giving birth to myself and of dying back into myself—and yet I stay the same. Anyhow, no one in the room understood what I was doing, and what I had done—even when I gave birth to myself again so that I was a body again lying on the floor in front of them.
I related the above dream to you because in order to get to that point of feeling yourself give birth to yourself you have to get past thinking in terms of living and dying—which means you (a general “you”, not necessarily you “Ulla”) have to get past your fear of death (even though you can go through that tunnel under the wall when you remember that you can) and you (a general “you”, not necessarily you “Ulla”) also have to get past life, either in terms of chasing it at all costs , or trying to avoid it in pursuit of something more or better. It’s easy to see the fear of death issue—your friend Ulf runs into it when he hits the blue star zone since being there automatically reminds him and his body of every time he’s died—which is why it comes across as a near death experience. What frequently happens is that you (again, general) wind up rebounding back and forth between the blue star zone with it’s memories of dying and an intense life energy who’s only purpose is to reproduce and create at all costs to avoid death —and that intense energy usually comes across as strong sexual energy since that’s how life reproduces for the most part. What also happens is that you (general) wind up realizing that it’s basically futile, so you get depressed, intensely depressed at times, because nothing works anymore. And along with the depression you get anxiety because, if nothing works anymore how the hell are you going to stay alive and what will happen to you? The good news is, however, that once the polarities of life and death get integrated—which is to say, once your lower chakras get cleared out enough so that you can more or less integrate with respect to the blue star energy—you’ll find that the depression lifts.