I‘ve been doing a lot of restructuring lately (talk about unloading and unloading). I’ve been working out my relationship with my body. What I mean is that I’ve always found it more trouble than it’s worth to take care of, but some time ago I must have spent most of one night apologizing to my body because I came to realize that it was my attitude that was keeping it from getting what it wanted. What I mean is this back in 98 I wrote something about all bodies wanting immortality, wanting eternal life, and how all survival “tactics” were geared toward producing eternal life—something that will live forever, either as an individual or as a species. This includes all reproductive tactics- sex, territory, attraction display, fear, fear display, aggression, aggression display, eating, hunting, keeping from being eaten, etc, etc, etc—everything that every being, animal, plant, multi celled, single celled, blue whale or virus—does in order to survive and perpetuate itself and others of it’s kind. At some point in the past couple of years or so my body has become consciously aware of the “central sun”—aware down to the cellular and even sub-atomic level—and knows that everything it has ever wanted or needed is really an expression of what it wants and needs from that central sun—I think we talked about this a bit? When I realized this, and realized that my body knew it even at the smallest level, then I also realized that my body and all the rest of me all want the same thing—nothing is at odds with anything else in any part of me—except for how I’m going to get my internal life and my external life to harmonize—by “external life” I mean the way I make a living in the world, etc. This last bit has become noticeably harder since even my body knows what it really wants now, and so I don’t have even the bodily anxiety driving me about “what will I eat” etc—even my body wants the internal and external to harmonize.
What’s been happening the past month is that I seem to have acquired a “new body”—what I mean is that I very frequently experience myself as this large gold body with my head in the central sun and my feet on the earth. When I say “gold” I don’t mean golden light, but what looks like solid gold, with gemstones on it at various places. The point where my feet touch the earth is the point where my physical body is, and there’s this constant flow of light/energy from the central sun through me to my point of entry in the earth. And that’s my purpose, to establish and maintain that flow, which means maintaining my feet in the earth, which means maintaining a physical body. So now my body has become not a burden but a fulfillment for me—but I still don’t know how to coordinate the inner and outer (except for those times such as what I described happening in Nelson).
I need to find a way to maximize it, to gain maximum energy flow and still maintain my body here. As it is now, when I lay down to go to sleep, I just let go of my body and we all—me, mind, emotions, body, whatever else—immediately come into the presence of the central sun, and we want the same thing, and everything dissolves into bliss except for my sense of presence, which is always there. And that’s where you’ll wind up too. Feeling yourself becoming the same “I” that’s in everything and everyone is part of the process—by planting your feet on the earth you take up the “cross” of the earth and by doing that and making the connection to the central sun you “redeem’ the earth, to use biblical phrases—but that’s what it is, that’s the process. Why? Love, of course—”for God so loved the world…. etc”.