Following Yourself Back

A letter to a friend of mine who was having such strong Kundalini flow that she was leaving scorch marks on her bed sheets.

One thing I say to people is “follow yourself back,” but I’ve come to realize that it’s not really clear what I mean by that. I want to attempt to describe what I mean by “following yourself back.” All I can do is describe my own experience, but I hope that what I describe will be relevant to others, or at least give someone a loose framework to hang things on.

Please bear in mind that even though I’m writing about things to sound like separate sections, layers, planes, etc, what I’m really describing takes place as a unity, and that unity is completely contained within the field of the pure presence and pure consciousness of I AM as the field of pure consciousness. Read that last bit again just to make sure you get it: as the field of pure consciousness.

Similarly, all “identities”, all “I am this” or “I am that”, “I am Light”, “I am Darkness”, even “I am Everything” and “I am Nothing”, are the manifestation of the pure presence of I AM: “I am Roger”, “I am Michael”, “I am Yvonne”, “I am Cecilia”, “I am Oscar the cat”, “I am Muskeg the dog”; further: “I am hungry”, “I am lonely”, “I am happy”, “I am loved”, “I am unloved”, “I am proud”, and so on—all are manifestations of the pure presence of I AM—all individuality and all egos are that manifestation, and are not separate from the pure presence and pure consciousness of I AM. You do not have to overcome individuality or ego to become one with the I AM. All you need to do s follow yourself back.

So, with these things in mind, I’m going to describe the process going in two directions: first, from the top down, so to speak, and then from the bottom up:

From the I AM to my physical body (I should perhaps add here that I use my physical body as a reference point, but this could be to anything on the physical plane. There is really only one physical body): as the I AM I experience myself as pure presence and simultaneously as pure consciousness. I think of the field of pure consciousness as an ocean of suns through which I, as pure presence, move. And yet I don’t move—an analogy would be the way electricity flows through a wire: we say that the electricity “flows”, borrowing the idea of water “flowing” from one place to another, and yet electricity doesn’t flow like water, rather it moves by induction—one atomic particle inducing its neighbor to vibrate at a certain frequency (sorry if this isn’t quite correct and I offend any physicists or electrical engineers).

As pure presence I can feel myself interacting with the ocean of suns (of pure consciousness) and I can also feel myself interacting with each “individual” sun in the ocean (note the quotes around “individual”). If I focus my attention on an individual sun I can see that it has a field of blue around it, and that this field is made up of an infinite number of blue stars or blue pearls. As pure presence my presence causes the sun’s light and warmth, and this light and warmth causes the blue stars or blue pearls to vibrate. The vibration rate of the blue stars/blue pearls is the OM vibration, and this OM vibration gives rise to all creation, to all that is. All creation is contained in the field of the blue stars/blue pearls and all creation arises from the OM, which arises from the blue stars/blue pearls vibrating in response to the sun’s warmth. The sun’s warmth is love. (A side note: this vibration effect also takes place between person and person. If one of the people has an awakened kundalini, meaning that their vibration rate has been raised, that vibration rate will awaken the kundalini in another person if the other person is at all receptive, consciously or unconsciously. This vibration effect from person to person is frequently called “shaktipat”)

The OM vibration permeates and sustains all of creation on all levels—it is the core vibration behind the oscillations of subatomic particles on the physical level, it is the heart of light on all planes of creation, from the physical to the astral, to the mental to the causal.

As pure presence I follow myself through the blue star/blue pearl into creation, into the causal, into the mental, into the astral, into the physical—and yet I am always the same, I am always pure presence. I follow myself from the individual blue star down to this individual human body on this planet, and yet I am always the same, I am always pure presence. As pure presence I experience myself sitting here at my computer, feeling the room warm up (it’s going to be hot here today), hearing Oscar my cat snoring under my desk. I take a drink of iced tea and I am still always I AM as pure presence.

Now, going in the other direction: it’s early morning and I’m awake because Oscar, my cat, has decided it’s time for me to be awake even though it’s barely daylight (typical!). Oscar’s sitting on the floor beside my bed looking at me; I can see my clock behind him. I’m looking at Oscar, and the clock, and I’m annoyed that I’m awake and that the clock says it’s 4:10 in the morning. At the same time my entire body is full of the OM vibration, not only that, but I can hear it fill the entire room and everything in it; I can hear it in my head, in my arms and legs, in every cell of every part of my body. I close my eyes and I can see it in the form of an infinite number of tiny bright blue/white lights in every cell of my body, all vibrating with the OM. I open my eyes and Oscar’s looking at me: Oscar the cat is filled with tiny blue white points of light, all vibrating with the OM, and Oscar the OM cat meows at me and the primary vibration of his meow is OM. I follow myself back to the source of the vibration, to the vibrating blue star/blue pearl and I become the source of all creation as the blue star vibrating with the OM, and yet at the same time I’m still lying in bed looking at Oscar and my clock. I am still pure presence. I go back farther to the sun and I feel myself as the life of the life of all creation, and I feel myself causing all the blue stars to vibrate and in their vibration to give birth to all creation. And yet I’m still lying in bed, looking at Oscar and my clock, and being the blue star vibrating the OM, giving birth to all that is. I then go still farther back and I am pure presence moving through an ocean of suns, an ocean of pure consciousness. And yet I’m still lying in bed, looking at Oscar and my clock, being the blue star vibrating the OM, being the sun and the sun’s warmth causing the blue star to vibrate and give birth to all that is. Finally (for now anyway—who knows, there could be more) I move back to being pure presence and only pure presence: I AM. And yet I’m still lying in bed, looking at Oscar and my clock, being the blue star vibrating the OM, being the sun and the sun’s warmth causing the blue star to vibrate and give birth to all that is, and pure presence moving through the ocean of suns. Actually, I suppose there’s one more step, but it’s really the same as the first step, which is experiencing myself as one continuous presence, present before the beginning and after the end.