I have had to spend a lot of time and energy on the male/female thing because I needed to figure out my own balance. Perhaps it's best if I give you some of my own experiences so you can see why. In the quotes I sent you last night I said something about being balanced male/female and then projecting the female onto a woman to work out my own inner balance. There's more to this, much more—like how subconscious that is for most people (women project their male half onto men to work things out—if you haven't had a father all you have is a big emptiness to project, so you don't have any standards of measurement; similarly if a man hasn't had a mother, he has nothing but an emptiness to project—he has no standards of measurement—because most people subconsciously select their mates, their 'other halves' based on their parents—a man's mother is his first female 'other'; a woman's father is her first male 'other')—you also have to deal with your own perceptions of what it means to be male or female based on the role models you've had (or haven't had). That's just a sketch—therapists make a good living dealing with all that. The entire structure of the world runs on that projection mechanism.

Ok, I'm going to start on this topic, but I don't know where I'm going to wind up because it's such a large and important area—I may just keep writing until I run out of steam or then again I may make a bunch of general statements and observations and we can pursue them over a period of time. There is a direct link here between what you do as a medium and what you have and will experience in terms of 'higher awareness' or whatever you want to call it.

More on the matter of balance—as the heart area balances, the difference/indifference, desire/desirelessness, emotion/emotionlessness quotient changes depending on the individual—I went from being very detached and indifferent (I used to meditate up to 9 hrs a day when I was in Nelson) to being quite a bit more emotional, full of desires—and yet not caring that I was more emotional and had lots of desires—this is a balancing between male/female sides—I mentioned before about gaining weight, being more aggressive—this is part of same thing—some people go to being less physical, less aggressive, some to more. Some to more grounded, some to less—you can't go by mainstream expectations—you have to let kundalini do the job—don't set limits on it, don't tie yourself up with expectations just because they agree with mainstream spirituality.

A dream: I was standing on this large flat plane and there were a lot of people walking around, and there was this large staircase near me that I had just finished building. The staircase was solidly on the plane, but went up to just above my head and then disappeared from sight—it appeared to vanish into thin air. The people I could see around me were all dressed in black and white striped clothes—prison outfits—and so was I, except that under my black and white striped jacket I was wearing my carpenter's toolbelt. And I was really annoyed because no one seemed to want to use the staircase, and I couldn't figure out why. It occurred to me that perhaps it was because it appeared to go nowhere, but I knew that it did, so I decided to check things out some more. So, I climbed the stairs but tried to view it as one of the locals would, and I realized that as I looked up to see where the stairs were going all I could see was a mirror reflection of myself, and I realized that the whole 'sky' above this plane was a huge mirror, which was why the stairs appeared to be going nowhere, and furthermore, that anyone climbing the stairs would be climbing toward a reflection of themselves that got bigger and bigger the higher they climbed and the closer they got to the mirror surface. I also realized that the image in the mirror, or rather, how they saw the image, was completely dependent on how they perceived themselves, or how they'd been taught to perceive themselves, so more often than not anyone climbing the stairs would run headlong into their own self-image and turn around.